


I Miss You

by Medicinal_outburst



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Castiel, Angelic Grace, Destiel - Freeform, Gay, Love, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Prayer, Romance, angel - Freeform, post-human
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-12
Updated: 2013-11-12
Packaged: 2018-01-01 06:13:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1041317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Medicinal_outburst/pseuds/Medicinal_outburst
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After an...  Unintentional steamy night, Castiel disappears and leaves Dean broken.  This is the aftermath.<br/>This is placed after Cas gets his grace back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Miss You

“Cas, are you there?” Dean paused, unsure if he should go on, or stop there. He took a deep breath, and moved on.

“Listen, man, I’m really glad you got your wings back. I don't know if you're busy. Sam's better.” Pause.

“Zeke left, Kevin figured the angel tablet a while ago. So I’m sure you are up in heaven, putting moves on those angel girls, using our pickup lines.” Dean laughed, unsure if that was crossing the line.

“I know you are busy and all, but Cas, Kevin and Sam miss you. It’s been months. I don’t know if you listened to me the day we figured it out. Gabriel's alive. We heard from him about a week ago, Sam went with him. I don’t know how, but he brought Kevin's mom back. Kevin and her are now somewhere in Canada. I feel bad, I almost wished he wasn't able to, and Kevin was still here. I’m alone now. Alone is good though, you know?” Dean breathed in heavily, trying to man up and stop the tears from forming.

“I know you probably don't care after the last time we... I, saw you, but I still care about you. You are my brother, you were there for us. For me. I hope you could say the same for me. And what I said the night before you left, take it however you want. I was drunk, you were drunk, its okay. I will understand. It can be just a platonic love, I would understand.

Cas, I wish you were here. There is so much I need to say to you, face to face.” He sighed, and got off the bed.

He was trying to go sober, understandably. After what happened... He couldn't face himself drinking. He wanted to... just couldn't.

“Cas, I know you stopped listening to me months ago.” He said aloud while pouring some coffee. “But I want to let you know that I stopped running after girls like I told you I would. I know that doesn't matter to you, but I kept my word. Even if you didn't care, I still tried. I tried so fucking hard.” He took a sip of his coffee, and sighed. Why does he still do this?

“You know, when I woke up that morning after us getting drunk, you were gone. I don’t know who showed you bedside manners... But that sure wouldn't fit in that course.” A bitter laugh bubbled out of his lips. “Gabriel had to tell me you were alive, a month later. I thought you were dead for a month.”

“Cas, I-I-I... Well for one I don't know why I'm nervous, you probably aren't listening. Cas, I love you. I love you so much, and I miss you so much.” A single tear crawled down his cheek and landed in his coffee. Fuck.

“I’m going to stop doing this. Four months, every day, if you are listening, you are probably fucking sick of my voice. I hope you have a happy life, Cas. I didn’t mean to burden you. Along with Sam, you were the only reason I woke up in the morning sometimes. I didn’t mean to make you miserable.

I-I... I love you, Cas.” He gave up on the coffee and poured out the now-cold drink, and laid on the bed. He wiped away the tears, trying to prove to himself that he still was a man. “Men don't cry, so stiffen up that upper lip.” He laughed another bitter laugh at that memory, his dad saying that to Sam on his first actual kill. A shape shifter.

He buried himself under the blankets, so he could start his next sleepless night early. Reaching under his pillow to make sure his bowie was under his pillow, he allowed himself to drift off.

He was awakened an hour earlier, feeling a hand on his scarred shoulder. Without alerting the intruder he was awake, he wrapped his fingers around the bowies handle, he quickly flipped and drove it into the intruders stomach. He quickly regretted it, once he looked up and saw a really confused angel.

“Cas? What are you doing here?” Castiel looked at him from the side, and wrapped his hands around the knife.

“Ouch.” He said amusingly, and pulled it out, tossing it back on the bed.

“For starters, I didn’t want Gabriel to tell you I was alive.” He eyed the bed, probably wondering if he should sit down, and looked back at Dean. “And for him telling you, I am sorry.”

Dean looked at him, dumbstruck, and leaped out of bed, shoving a finger in cas’s face. “YOU WANTED ME TO THINK YOU WERE DEAD?” He slammed Cas against the wall closest, knowing damn well Cas could stop him if he wanted to. He looked in his eyes, and wrapped his hand around Cas’s neck. “I...I thought you were dead. We all did. We grieved for months. We called for you Cas... I called for you. Where were you? Why are you here now?”

Cas cleared his throat. “On the contrary, I didn’t want you to think I was dead. It had to be that way. People were trying to kill me, and if they knew I was alive, they would’ve killed you to get to me. He cleared his throat again, and Dean, realizing why, released his vice grip.

“Why couldnt you have just told me? You could've trusted me, we could've protected you, dammit.” He realized what positions they were in, Cas against a wall and Dean basically on top of him, and thought of that night. He quickly walked to the other side of the room.

“No, you couldn’t have. I am an angel, Dean. Trained in a line of other angels who know how to get through whatever you would've planned. And, did you know Archangels can read minds? They don't tell lower ranks that, but they do. From miles away. Just because this bunker can ward off angels doesn't mean they cant hear, Dean. They would have heard your thoughts. They would wait till you leave, and tortured you. The enochian I put on your ribs? They vanished when I lost my grace.Without those, they can hear you. You would have been killed. Because of me.” He pushed off the wall and started walking away. “I am truly sorry, but I had to. I had to kill the people who were after me. After us. There was no other way. The second i got my grace back I was targeted. Don't you understand that?”

Dean bit his lip and looked around. The ceiling, the bathroom door, the floor. Everywhere but Cas’s face.

“I could’ve taken them, Cas. We could have done this together.Don’t you understand that?” He said, mimicking The last line of Cas’s rant. He had to bring himself to ask the question that he held dear.

He looked at Cas, who was staring at him intensely. “Cas...did you hear me at all?” The angels face softened quickly, and he looked down.

“I did hear them.Every day, without a stop. The one this morning has been repeating itself since i heard it.” He looked at him again with question to his eyes. “You said you wanted me here, there was something you wanted to say?” he shifted his feet. “I would like you to tell me what that was.”

Dean, looking like a deer in the headlights, was quiet.

“I don’t remember.” he said sheepishly, and looked down. When he looked back up, Castiel looked angry.

“When you remember...let me know.” And like that, he was gone. At first, Dean thought it was a joke, but when he realized he was gone, again, he bawled. For the first time. He cried, and cried, and just collapsed on his knees.

“Cas! come..come back..please..” He pleaded through uneven breaths and tears.He could barely breathe, let alone speak, but he had to get that. He had to. Within seconds Castiel was back, looking down at Dean, puzzled. Why was he crying?

Dean looked up, and saw his trench coat wearing friend, immediately went to work trying to stop crying, which ended horrible. He stood up and wrapped his arms arms around Cas. He gave up and sobbed into his neck, praying to him what he couldn't say in words. How much he wanted him to stay. How he stopped drinking, how he just wanted nothing but Cas. He just wanted Cas to ask the question again. He wanted to ask why he left, so many question.

“I didnt plan that night Cas. Some people get drunk differently, if I thought it ended with me sleeping with you It wouldnt have happened, dont you know that?” he sighed. “I wanted to wait…until…until…” He tried to get his breathing under control.

“Cas...”He said into his angels neck. “Please...ask me again...if you still feel that way.”

Cas looked down at him, and his face went stricken.

“I’m an angel now, Dean...I don't think it works the same now.” Deans fist were now balled up against Castiels chest, trying to grab something to keep him from poofing out.

“Please...please Cas...” He half-whispered. Castiel sighed, unable to know what to do. He grabbed the hands off his chest and smoothed them out, working his fingers between them, like a lost lover. He looked into Deans eyes, and smiled, getting onto one knee. Like old times.

“Dean...will you be my beloved?” Dean started crying again and nodded, wrapping himself back up in Castiel’s arms. Cas stood up, and listened to Deans whispered yes’s in his ear.

“I love you Dean.” He whispered back.


End file.
